9. Samskaras, SAMSKA - WWWHAT? the Patterns that bind us
When I arrived at the yoga instructor class, I discovered that 'my spot', the place I always lay my yoga mat and practice, had been taken. I like to be by the window, in the front row and near the wall, so I have at least one side empty, with no one to look over at, and compare myself and my flexibility with, 'when yogis vie flexibility mounts'..
But what is my spot exactally? We never formally assigned positions on the floor, My name is not written there, my handprint is not marked on the hardwood..We just each naturally took a place in the room, in a tradition which became more and more set as time went by.
The only spot left now, was in the center of the room, amidst everyone, far from the teacher. Rationally, I understand that this is nonsense. It's not really a big deal, it's just a place. I want to be a yoga instructor right?, what difference does it make where I stand right now? But still, other voices rise up within me, regular voices I hear any time something like this happens, and especially one grating voice which says: "Nobody takes me into account. I am always the one getting screwed over, invisible. I am small and deprived".
True, this is childish, but it is habit. A thought pattern which repeats itself, an automatic solution to a simple equation, and yes, it is probably something the seeds of which were planted in my childhood and which has stuck and remained as an explanation for reality in my adulthood.
In yoga these are called - Samskaras - early, hidden impressions, whose source is in past experiences and which we project again and again on our experiences in the present. Who among us, doesn't have regular things they say to themselves? I'm not loved, I always fail, I have no chance, nothing good ever happens to me and so on and so forth. Sayings that hold us back, and cast a twisted prism over our interpretation of reality.
I always imagine samskaras as tall, wild weeds stuck in the ground, Thick ones, with strong, stubborn stalks, weeds, that no matter how many times you pull them out, they will always grow back the next time it rains. It is extremely difficult to get rid of samskaras, but with strong discipline it is possible. Of course, first you have to identify the pattern, or patterns, which are hindering you, and then, with iron will, to notice every time you think of them, and even earlier - what are the situations which cause them to arise. As soon as you pay attention and notice, you can decide to react differently. And after reacting differently once, twice, you might find that you feel different, And slowly, slowly maybe a change will come.
It isn't easy, and you can fall back into your regular pattern at any time.
Practicing yoga does two things regarding this matter: in one hand, when you practice yoga and you breathe your way into the peace of the exercise, lots of things float up in your consciousness, among them - samskaras, on the other hand - the practice of yoga and the discipline it gives us, can help us with the daily discipline we need for working on ourselves and releasing the samskaras - those old patterns and habits, and making fresh, new ones.
